LSPurple03 Lum Sum Purple By Jim Robert Bader (Inspired by the characters created by Rumiko Takahashi, who created both Sexy Goddesses for our enjoyment---heh!) (Also inspired by some Web Cel Hentai Illustrations, and a comment by T.H. Tiger wondering if these two Takahashi babes could be paired in a story...Mwuhahahah!) Chapter Three. Dangerous Courtship To say that Shampoo was stunned at the sudden turn of events would have been like saying that Amazon warriors were just a bit on the violent side, but added to her confounded state was a mega-voltage kiss that quite literally made her heart stand on end. That the Princess Lum was a pretty good kisser could not be doubted, but the amperage behind that kiss was enough to light a small city, so much so that the thin insulation of Shampoo's rubberized soles afforded only minimal protection. Overwhelmed and over charged by the kiss, Shampoo momentarily lost consciousness and went slack in the other girl's arms, a fact that Lum was quick to notice as her purple-haired companion went from stiff to softening to limp in a matter of seconds. Lum broke her kiss and in some concern asked, "Darling? Are you all right, Darling?" Shampoo's only response was an incoherent groan of relief at having her electrocution called short of serious damage. She was in no state to formulate a more coherent response as she hung in the other girl's arms like limp ramen noodles, hearing a buzzing in her ears that refused to go away even as the smell of ozone and the twitching of her muscles alone gave testament that she was still breathing. Her mind floated in a cloud of hazy sensations that were dream-like and surreal and at first she did not hear the voice of someone calling to her...someone familiar, someone she trusted like a kinswoman, someone who sounded rather a lot like Perfume, her adoptive cousin... "Are you all right, Shampoo?" the words became intelligible after what seemed to her to be only a few minutes of attempting to make the sounds fit some sort of coherent order. "Darling?" another voice---less familiar yet still somehow recognized--- inquired, "Are you going to be all right?" Shampoo's eyes snapped open with a twitch, and then---to her dismay---she found the green haired alien girl with the cute horns atop her head gazing down at her with an anxious expression. The sight of her alone was enough to snap Shampoo out of her daze and make her cognizant of the fact that she was indoors now, inside her great-grandmother's cottage, and that there were several people gazing down at her with equal parts concern and apprehension. "Don't try to talk just yet, Child," an even more familiar voice urged, and with a start Shampoo found herself looking up into the face of her mother, the village healer, "Electrical shock is not something that you can shrug off that easily, just ask your father." "M-Mother?" Shampoo asked hesitantly, her eyes moving around the room to take in Perfume, Cologne, several government people and one very large presence crowded in the back of the hut along with her father, "What...did something happen to this one?" "You passed out after you received the Kiss of Life, Cousin," Perfume replied, "Great-Grandmother thought it best to lay you down inside. You were out for almost an hour..." "Yes," Cologne remarked, "And praise the Gods you were not more seriously affected than that. I believe your Airen needs to learn not to unleash such a charge upon you when she is being amorous..." The word hit a nerve that caused a jolt to shoot down Shampoo's spine as her eyes got round and she said, "AIREN???" "Yes," the green haired girl said happily, "We are married. Came as much of a surprise to me as to you, but I could not be more delighted..." Shampoo continued to look like a small animal attempting to cross a government road late at night in the face of a military convoy, but in that gap when she was too stunned for rational speech the leader of the government delegation spoke up, "And we could not be more delighted with the outcome of this whole matter. You are to be congratulated, Xian-Pu of the Joketsuzoku. You saved our country, to say nothing of the rest of the world, and the Middle Kingdom is indebted to you, the more so since you have agreed to a political alliance with Miss Lum here, and her father, King Invader, has graciously favored us with important planetary concessions..." Shampoo was not listening to the man's babbling string of words, her thoughts congealing on the one intelligible word that had galvanized her attention, prompting her to repeat the word, "Married...???" To her surprise Lum's hand grasped her own and she smiled down fondly at the purple haired girl laying before her, saying in a happy voice, "Wo ai ni...those are the right words, are they not? Wode Airen..." "You've got the accent right," Shampoo's mother, Kho-hom, replied, "And I welcome you into our family...daughter." "Daughter?" Shampoo's voice arched an octave to a virtual squeak as she looked towards her mother with a distinctive sense of stunned betrayal. "Well, what did you think was going to happen when you gave her that kiss?" Perfume asked reasonably, her expression an odd mix of exasperation and envy. "Indeed," Cologne replied, "Such a thing was not warranted or even required under the circumstances of the challenge you both faced, but as the kiss was given and received, Amazon law is quite clear on the matter. You are married, Shampoo, and the Princess Lum is now your Airen." "Hai???" Shampoo blinked, then nervously swallowed when she saw the stern look of reprimand in her Elder's eyes, which stifled her impulse to offer immediate protest, "Aiyaa...." "All right then," Comb spoke up again, addressing herself to the others, "You've all seen that Shampoo is well, now I think it's time that you all left her alone to get some rest. After all, my daughter has had a very busy day and with the stress of battle and the pledge of marriage she has quite exhausted herself. Please forgive my rudeness as a hostess but I must has you all to leave this one's home for now. We will speak again when formal marriage vows are exchanged and Shampoo is fully rested." "Sounds fair enough," King Invader replied, "Come along, Lum, and back to our ship. You can visit your wife later when she is fully up to celebrating the honeymoon nuptials, but right now we have some celebrating of our own to do, so it's time we got back to your mother before the feast gets cold." "Very well, Father," Lum replied, standing up with some reluctance, though she smiled and waved at Shampoo before merrily skipping over to the side of her gigantic parent, at which point a beam of light bathed both of them in a halo and caused their outlines to distort briefly, after which they vanished altogether. "We must be on our way then," the leader of the government people turned and bowed towards Cologne, then Comb, "Thank you for everything and for being a gracious hostess. Once again you are a hero of the People's Republic and will be honored for your heroism and patriotism in helping to resolve this crisis." "Drive safely and convey my respects to the Politburo," Comb replied, then waited until the suited males had left the Matriarch's house before heaving a sigh and saying, "Thank the Gods that's over..." "You mean for now," Hairbrush---Shampoo's father---remarked in his usual quiet, understated way, "Things could have gone worse over all, and I think we got off lucky. Still..." "Exactly, Son-in-law," Cologne said gravely, turning to regard Shampoo with a cross expression, "I am not saying that I fail to understand your motives, but what you did, Shampoo, was reckless and irresponsible and quite thoroughly uncalled for. Giving the Kiss of Death to an Outlander girl is one thing, but to mark for death the daughter of a powerful figure like King Invader? We call could have paid the price for your thoughtless actions." "Great-Grandmother?" Shampoo wilted, "What did this one do that was so wrong? Why is she being punished by marrying this Outlander?" "Great-Grandmother means that it is better for you to marry the Princess than for us to be vaporized by energy beams from the Oni ships," Perfume replied, "The Matriarch is right, Shampoo...what you did was very unwise and uncalled for." "Uncalled for?" Shampoo sat upright, "That Outlander shamed this one before the entire village and all the other guests who witnessed this one's undoing. What was this one to do when she lose face like that, pretend it never happen?" "You had won your match," Cologne replied, "Giving her the Kiss was not necessary or called for. It was a petulant act to soothe your sore ego, Great- Granddaughter, and most unworthy of our family line. You should count yourself fortunate that the Princess appears to like you well enough not to take matters the wrong way, and to even accept you as an Airen." "But this one does not want to get married to an Outlander female!" Shampoo protested. "Well then," Comb remarked, "Perhaps you'd like to explain that to her and King Invader? Tell them that you meant to hunt down and kill Princess Lum for causing you humiliation. So what if the Oni retaliate and destroy our whole village, possibly killing every one of us and then going on to invade the rest of the entire planet." "What your mother means is that it is better to be wed than dead, Shampoo," Hairbrush assured his daughter in gentler terms than the sarcastic wit of his wife, her mother, "Believe me, marriage is a good thing if you work hard enough at it, and at least in this union you've been afforded a few saving options." "Saving options?" Shampoo looked at her father in confusion. "You still have the right to choose a man who can be your mutual husband, Shampoo," Cologne replied, "After all, the law was designed to insure that warriors who wed one another still produce children to carry on their bloodlines..." "A man?" Shampoo gasped, "Yes...this one wants a husband, one she can take care of, who gives her strong children to care for..." "Unfortunately for that," Comb remarked, "Such a man would have to be strong and capable enough to be a match for both you and your new Airen, and Lum most definitely comes with the package." Shampoo quailed then timidly said, "Is it too late to change to Kiss of Really Good Friends?" "What are you complaining about?" Perfume asked, "This one sees no problem with you marrying such a really cute girl. Only problem that this one sees is that your Airen is more of a handful than Mousse ever was, and the way she can hurl that lightning..." "You are not helping, Cousin," Shampoo said sourly, "Great-Grandmother..." "No buts, Child," Cologne said firmly, "I have already discussed the terms with King Invader and the marriage will go ahead as promised. You made your bed, now you must lay upon it, and with the Princess at your side...well...those details are up to you to manage." "Great-Grandmother?" Shampoo blanched, unable to believe what she was hearing from her Elder. "Grandmother is right, Shampoo," Comb assured her daughter, "You did bring this on yourself by carrying matters as far as you did. And as any experienced warrior could have warned you, acting without thinking is a good way to get deep into trouble." "Coming from you that is the voice of experience, Granddaughter," Cologne remarked with none-too-subtle humor, "But suffice it that we now have a situation that must be faced resolutely and cannot be avoided. The marriage between you and the Princess Lum has been recognized as legal by the Council, and that is all that there is left to be said on the subject." Shampoo just stared round-eyed at her elder, then in a trembling voice she declared, "This one is soooooo doomed..." "Best grin and bear with it, Cousin," Perfume smirked, "When great-grandmother take tone like that, we no can argue her down." "Tell me about it," Hairbrush remarked with a sigh, sparing a wry look towards his wife, who only gave him a cross look that promised that there would be talk about this later... "So, you understand your responsibilities, do you Daughter?" King Invader said sternly, "By marrying this Earth woman you will insure our claim to this world as a part of the Oni empire. The inhabitants can continue to believe that they are free and in charge, yet travel rights through this solar system will belong to us, and even the Jurai will not dispute our claim, especially in light of these genetic scans of your intended." "I know all this, Father," Lum smiled cutely, "My Darling has Juraian blood, and that Elder of hers is hiding her true age with an illusion field. She must think she is being clever doing that, but I doubt my Darling is aware of her own heritage as she hardly seems the type to perpetrate such a deception." "We're so glad to hear that you're approving of this, Dear," Queen Invader assured their child, "The Jurai may not even know about their own links to this world, but what you are doing neutralizes their claim and insures that our claim on the Earth is the one that is most valid." "I understand all of this, Mother and Father," Lum smiled as she stretched herself out, enjoying the freedom that Zero-G afforded to her body, "But I'm not marrying Darling just because of her clan-ties. I have special interests with her, and I will promise to insure that only a strong man becomes our mutual husband." "Just see to it you don't marry some weak pervert who might embarrass the Oni," King Invader insisted, "Anything beyond that...we'll leave it up to you. Just give us some strong grandsons and daughters to carry on the Oni name." "I promise, Father," Lum nodded, "Can I go back to Earth now to visit with my Darling?" "You have our blessings, Child," Mrs. Invader assured their daughter, and then smiled as Lum happily flew away to borrow a shuttle that would transport her back to the Earth. Once she was gone and they were alone, however, she turned to her husband and said, "Are you really happy that our daughter is marrying a Terran, Dearest?" "Are you kidding?" Invader said gruffly, "I'd be happy if she married an intelligent cactus from Omicron Seven if it means she'll finally do her duty as a princess. Hell, I'd even marry her off to some pervert boy from no where to get her smiling like that about it! I just want to make sure we can count on her to finally settle down and stop running around the cosmos getting into one damned mess right after another!" "I know what you mean, Dear," Mrs. Invader said sagely, "Lum has been rather carefree in her ways...her cousin, Ten, takes after her that way." "Don't remind me," Invader scowled, "What my brother, rest his soul, was doing bringing a hellraiser like that into the family I'll never understand. Too bad he wasn't a solid, practical, easy-going, peaceable sort like me or he might have been King in my place..." His wife patted his arm knowingly and silently hoped her daughter would enjoy her stay on Earth, especially with such a cute fiancée to keep her happy and out of trouble. She could still remember what it was like when she was that age (how far back, naturally enough, she did not dwell), what with her own long and event-filled courtship of her husband. Invader might be a quiet sort right now, but in his days of youth he was quite the charming rascal, so much so that she was more than a little surprised that their family was not considerably larger. Or...larger than him, anyway, though as a dutiful wife she naturally did not openly say this... Shampoo sat on the rise and stared out over the mountain passes, taking in the sunset with strangely haunted eyes, still not quite able to adjust to the fact that she was now a married woman. That her Airen was both a woman and an Outlander was only mildly surprising when compared with the fact that the green haired girl could fly and hurl lightning bolts about, and she had a father the size of a small mountain who clearly was the dominant partner in his own marriage with a woman who looked like a (slightly) older version of her daughter. Shampoo could not quite adjust to the suddenness of it all, the sense that she had totally lost control over the whole matter and wound up swept into an affair for which she had very little preparation. That the Elders had declared her marriage legal meant that Shampoo had no choice but to return the Kiss of Life and accept Lum with the formal pledge of marriage, yet still her mind rebelled at the idea that she could have gone this soon from wanting to kill the Oni to having to accept her as a potential bedmate. Shampoo felt a blush touch her cheeks as she thought about the significance of this declaration. She had a pretty good idea of what was expected of her on the honeymoon, the consummation of her pledge to unite her house with that of the Oni. It was a daunting prospect given that she knew almost nothing about the Oni and the civilization which they represented, and there was little helpful information that either her great-grandmother or her parents could provide her on that subject, other than to point skyward and say that her new Airen came from some planet on a distant star, and unfathomable thing in Shampoo's limited frame of experience. Once, as a child, she had asked her great-grandmother if there were people living on other worlds, and all she got in response was an enigmatic statement that, "Yes, there are people living out there, you may take my word on that." Any further details than that were like prying sweets out of the ancient matriarch's grasp, and after a while Shampoo had learned not to question her elder about such things, regarding them as insignificant when compared to learning the newest technique, whether it was stone breaking or plucking chestnuts from a roasting fire. Now those questions did not seem quite so academic, and Shampoo was sorely missing that classical education that her great-grandmother dismissed (but which her mother, oddly enough, think would one day be of great importance...). She sighed, curling up one knee and resting her chin upon it, watching the colors of the sky run the full spectrum as the sun prepared to go to bed for the evening. Shampoo knew that rest would not be quite that easily obtained for herself, and with the mood she was in she would probably spend many restless nights fidgeting and tossing about to woman to whom she was now (unfortunately) wedded. Amazon law did not permit much wiggle room regarding that, and once a formal declaration was made the wedding would have all the weight of an official union. By kissing Lum she had made such a declaration, even if she had withheld the words, "Wo ai ni," which truly would have made it official. She had always known in her heart that she might one day give those words of pledge to the one who defeated her in battle, yet most of Shampoo's thoughts on that subject had tended to have her giving them to a MAN instead of another woman. It was legal for Amazon warriors to marry, of course, and some women enjoyed happy, fruitful unions together, but Shampoo had more in mind a union like the one which her parents seemed to enjoy, with a strong and caring man to balance out her overly emotional mother and give her life some focus. Shampoo did not so much object to the idea of marrying a woman as she found herself reluctant to give up on that cherished fantasy, and while the option had been given for her and Lum to find a man to give them both children she was somewhat dubious about her prospects of finding such a one who could be strong enough to defeat both her and Lum in battle. She gave a contemptuous snort when a brief flicker of a memory passed through her mind, of Mu-Tsu and his lifelong declaration of professed yearning for Shampoo. Mousse was weak, stupid and petty, a half-blind fool who had all the sense of a nearsighted warthog and all the sensitivity of a stone. He might protest from now until the stones eroded that he would devote his life to making Shampoo a happy woman, but the only thing which he had done to give her a measure of happiness was to wander out of their village a year ago promising to study hard and come back as a strong enough fighter to defeat her. Shampoo silently wished him a long and happy study, just as she hoped that he would meet someone better suited for him than herself, and that he might eventually forget about her altogether. She once might have cared for him as a friend, but it was rather hard to ignore a long history of Mousse glomping onto pigs, trees, stones, cows and other people and mistaking them for Shampoo, all because he refused to do so while wearing his glasses. Thoughts of Mousse inevitably brought to mind two others whom Shampoo recalled with a bit more fondness or regret. The first, of course, was her childhood friend, Lotion, who was off studying healing in another village. There was a time when they were very close, so close that some people had started to snicker and make veiled innuendo behind their backsides, but the irony of the matter was that it was not Shampoo who had wound up capturing Lotion's heart, rather it was her adopted cousin, Lotion, who had gravitated to the gentle healer in a passionate tryst that went on for many months before eventually being discovered by their great-grandmother. Shampoo heaved another sigh. Perfume was the one who was ideally suited to be bound in such a union as this. Perfume liked other women...a LOT. Shampoo had always been mildly amused at the ease with which Perfume fell into and out of love with various other girls their own age, always ending matters on a friendly note (though in one or two cases Shampoo did recall hearing a lot of shouting). Perfume, with her special condition, the one that made her ill-suited for a normal warrior's training, was sensitive and conscientious about her partnering, and there had been a time or two when Shampoo had wondered what it would be like to fall prey to the comely charms of her amorous cousin. Perfume was a fine example of how one could be a strong fighter and a gentle lover all in the same package, and if only she were a man, Shampoo would not hesitate to challenge her to solve her **other** nagging problem. Of course the memory of that "electrifying" kiss Lum had given her dismissed right out of her mind all thoughts of getting Perfume to challenge Lum and take her place in this union. With her hypersensitive nervous system Perfume would never survive long in the Oni's company (though Shampoo could imagine her cousin expiring with a smile upon her face). No avenue there for getting the marriage transferred, and so Shampoo had to resign herself to becoming the lover of a green-haired girl whom she barely even tolerated... A mental image of Lum bouncing around in that ridiculously skimpy outfit of hers rose up in Shampoo's mind and was just as furiously stamped back down...with some effort. Lum was smug, overconfident, had that superior, snooty air about her which Shampoo found so infuriating. So what if the Princess was beautiful enough to be an Amazon herself? She had come here as an enemy threatening to invade their planet. A thing like that could not just lightly be dismissed and swept under the carpet! How then was she supposed to get along with her, let alone give her pledge to treat Lum as her "Woda Airen?" It was simply too ridiculous to consider... And that brought another thought to mind, one Shampoo had tried very hard not to think about over the past year-or-so, since the last annual contest. Ambergris, whom many disparagingly called "Whale Puke," and yet who Shampoo had counted as a very close friend, even closer than Lotion and Perfume during her earlier years of training. They had known each other the way village people tended to know about one another, but two years ago they had become as **close** as sworn companions. Amber had a nasty reputation among some warriors as a girl who only got close to you in order to learn about your fighting techniques, the better to devise strategies for overcoming your strengths and defeating you in challenge matches, and yet they had gone through a lot more than merely training together. Ambergris was possibly the smartest person Shampoo had ever encountered, perhaps almost as clever as great-grandmother herself, and always quick with a jest or a sly observation that made Shampoo's mouth tug up in the corners. Amber had been a good companion, and there were times even now when Shampoo found herself missing her old betrayer... And that brought back the memory of a year ago, when their friendship had formally died during the previous year's contest. Shampoo had discovered that Ambergris had indeed been studying her techniques with the aim of defeating her, and the realization that (at least in part) their friendship had been based on this intention was enough to enrage her beyond the normal rivalry of challenge matches. She had given Ambergris a scar to remind her of that betrayal, and--- shortly thereafter---Ambergris had left their village vowing to return one day and claim her own style of vengeance. It was after the match, however, that Perfume and Lotion had chided Shampoo and forced her to see her own actions in a **very** different light. Now Shampoo felt...bad about giving Ambergris that scar. It was much too excessive a response for a perceived violation of trust, and Ambergris had never made any secret to her about her intentions of defeating Shampoo in battle using what she had learned in practice. In fact, Shampoo grimly admitted, that was entirely her problem, she now realized. She did tend to impulsively act on things without fully thinking through the consequences of her actions. Case in point, giving Lum the "Kiss of Death." What had she been thinking by doing that? Would she have really sought to hunt the Oni down to make her horns into trophies? Doing that might have doomed their entire village, and yet, at the time, her actions had seemed entirely consistent with the Amazon code... Just as had been Lum's turning the Kiss around and claiming her for her Airen... Shampoo winced and softly murmured aloud, "This one is sooooooo doomed..." "Oh, I wouldn't say that, Darling." Shampoo's eyes went wide with shock and realization, and then---not daring to move her head---she turned her eyes to look and see the tip of a tiger-striped boot hovering only a meter away from her position. By moving her eyes upward she tracked the length of a shapely leg to an even more well-turned pair of hips and buttox, and from there roved up the rest of the way to see a smiling Lum dangling there in mid-air with a predatory smile that would have looked appropriate on a falcon eyeing a small mouse. "Aiyaa?" Shampoo asked mildly. "You look like you could use some company, Darling," Lum smiled as she drifted down lower and settled on the space of the cliff beside Shampoo, close enough to rub shoulders together, "Mind if we talk? I'm sure you must have a lot of questions which you'd like to ask me." "Ahhh..." Shampoo knew that this would count for the understatement of the millennium, but at the moment the very nearness of the other girl made it virtually impossible for her to concentrate enough to form a single question. "You want to know why I accepted your marriage proposal?" Lum began with a gentle look, "Because I like you, obviously, but if you want the honest truth, there is more to it than that." "Aiyaa?" Shampoo softly repeated. "Understand," Lum began, "I come from a long and proud line of warriors, and Oni civilization stretches back almost as far as your Amazon society, so as Princess I have a lot of obligations to my people, though mostly I just try to keep out of the way of my father." "Your King?" Shampoo could not help shuddering as she remembered her first impressions on meeting that ten-foot tall monster. Lum blew a breath through her nostrils, "Father means well, but he thinks he can order me around. Do you know that he's several times now tried to marry me off to foreign princes, just like he's done for each of my older sisters?" Shampoo blinked and said, "Aiyaa?" "Exactly my point," Lum curled up one leg and leaned against it in much the same way as Shampoo was currently doing, "I'm not their only child, you know, I'm just the youngest one that mother and father have had in the last few centuries. One by one each of my older sisters was married off to some Prince of this or that family, even non-Oni outsiders, and the last one married some Drakun guy old enough to be an ancestor. I've got a cousin or two out there whom I've never even met, and all for the sake of forming political alliances that father can use to expand Oni influence. Why do you know that he's even tried to marry me off to one of my own cousins, and then there was that jerk of a Juraian nobleman...what a fop he was! Pink haired and so full of himself..." she shook her head in dismay, "As it poetry is the thing I want instead of romance. I tell you, Darling, sometimes it's just no fun being a Princess." Shampoo blinked at that and tried to comprehend what the other girl was saying. Something about her parents trying to get her to marry some prominent fellow of a different house? Aloud what she said was, "Did they defeat you in battle?" "Hardly," Lum replied, "I've sent all of them packing, some not altogether intact, if you know what I mean. Father just doesn't understand what I need in a mate, and Rei, the last one he tried betrothing me to..." she made a face, "He was so disgusting!" Shampoo found herself oddly sympathizing with the other girl and hesitantly said, "This one knows...what it is like to be...pursued by one she does not consider worthy of being her husband..." All at once, like Mercury, Lum shifted moods and nudged her bare arm against Shampoo's shoulder, "But you, Darling...you are a different matter. Lum thinks she could get very used to being with you, and I know enough about you to want this union of our two houses." "Ah...excuse this one?" Shampoo asked with her eyebrows once again in their raised position. Lum leaned even closer until their faces were almost touching, "I find you very attractive, and you look so sweet when you get nervous, Darling. You don't have to be afraid of me, I won't bite...much." Considering the prominent fangs that the other girl was sporting, this was NOT a very reassuring promise, "Ah...this one..." "You smell so nice," Lum made a point of lightly sniffing around Shampoo's collar as if tasting her aroma. "Ah...iya?" Shampoo murmured faintly, now petrified with astonishment and a curious mix of other emotions not easily categorized as she waited to see what the other girl was intending. "Oh yes...do you perfume your hair?" Shampoo felt warm fingers caress her nape- hairs and work their way up and down the length of her long, purple tresses, all the while Lum was murmuring, "So soft and silky...you must tell me what you wash it with." Shampoo was aware that her heart was now beating like a war-drum in her chest, and in her heightened state of quasi-alarm and fascination she became aware of the aroma of something lemony-lime scented and found her body reacting with surprising levels of excitement, either for fight, flight or...some other occupation. "I can't wait until we have our honeymoon," Lum cooed, "I'll bet you taste even better down between your legs...or at least, better than either Ran or Bentan..." "Eh...who?" Shampoo asked faintly. "Ah...well...never mind about those two," Lum hastily replied, pulling away slightly from the other girl (and thus causing Shampoo an increasingly bewildering sense of relief and/or frustration), "Mind if I show you something, Darling? I think it will go a long ways to explaining things, just so you can understand me better." To Shampoo's considerable surprise Lum levitated away from her, only to pause and extend a hand in the Amazon's direction. Lum smiled reassuringly and said, "Take my hand, you won't fall, I won't let you. I only want to show you something that I guarantee you'll find completely out of this world." "Ah..." with great reluctance Shampoo stretched out her hand and grasped Lum's extended fingers, discovering with surprise how strong those digits were when they closed around her hand...and then all at once Shampoo found herself being drawn off from the safety of her perch and into the open space dangling by one arm over the rocky fall from the cliff face. "Hang on, Darling!" Lum said cheerfully as she drew Shampoo into the air, causing the ground and the sparse tree tops of the upper mountain levels to fall away with alarming speed, and in a burst of panic Shampoo reached out with her other hand and grasped the Princess by the arm, staring down at a long fall that she very much doubted was survivable. She hardly even noticed that the air was thinning and growing colder with the increasing elevation. "Just a little farther!" Lum called down, compelling with her voice that Shampoo look up and see where we were headed. The Amazon gasped, for there hovering in the sky was one of those curious saucer-shaped flying craft that the Oni used, and it was to an opening at the bottom of this craft that Lum was taking the both of them, and a moment later they entered the craft and found themselves inside a very large circular chamber. "All right," Lum said as she set Shampoo down on a metal surface, "You can let go now, Darling, we've arrived." Shampoo was reluctant to pry her hands away from the grip of the other girl, but with some effort she did so, trying valiantly not to shake like a leaf as she studied the interior of the sky ship, marveling at its high-tech construction, which was well beyond the experience of a simple mountain-dwelling peasant. "Now then," Lum smiled up and said, "Ship, take us to sub-orbital elevation and achieve geo-synchronous orbit." "As you wish," a disembodied voice replied, further startling Shampoo, who looked around in suspicion, wondering if there was someone else present within the chamber. She had no sense of motion, only a faint humming and an odd kind of faint pressure that increased around her skin for the next several minutes, all the while Lum walked in a broad circle and extended her arms as though proudly displaying off the sparse, unfinished cabin. "Welcome to my personal shuttle," Lum revealed, "In this ship I can go anywhere within your solar system, or even jump to Trans-light speed and visit another star-system. It's not as long-range as my father's imperial flagship, of course, but it does the job and gets me to where I need to go in a hurry." Shampoo tried to grasp the essential part of that statement, "This...is a ship? You come and go from Earth to...other planets?" Lum chuckled softly and nodded to one side, "Take a look over there out that portal." Shampoo turned in the direction indicated, seeing a very large array of screens that stretched all around the chamber in a three-sixty circumference, set above eye-level. There out those particular portals that she could see was a view of the horizon that was very different from what might be viewed at ground level. Indeed, it took Shampoo a few moments to grasp that what she was seeing was the Earth from an extremely high altitude, the sun easily viewed beyond the blue depths of what now looked like a giant marble...and that it really was a separate body altogether, much larger than the Earth and surrounded by more stars than she could ever remember before having witnessed. Lum came to stand beside her and explained, "We are now above the atmosphere of the Earth in an orbital region between Earth and your Moon where the gravity equalizes and objects can remain in stable orbit, about forty-two thousand Earth kilometers removed from the surface of your planet." "Aiyaa?" Shampoo blinked, "Forty-two thousand? World is not so big!" "That's right," Lum said in obvious enjoyment of the other girl's reaction, "Your world is a very small planet, hardly much more than thirteen thousand kilometers from one pole to the other. We are now roughly three times the diameter of the Earth above your world's surface, and about one tenth of the way to the orbit of your moon. Does this surprise you?" Shampoo just stared at the indescribably breathtaking sight of the Earth set against a sea of stars, marveling that such a round blue-and-brown marble, flecked with clouds and dimly visible forests, could be the home to the people called humans, who were now so tiny that they seemed beyond microscopic. And surrounded by a sea of stars as vast as the eye could see, with the sun shining as the brightest source of light in the heavens, it was all so...intimidating...and yet so oddly appealing a view that she found it hard to look away, even for a heartbeat. Again Lum leaned closer to her and began explaining, "Earth is said to be the mother world to the Oni race. According to our legends, many thousands of years ago our ancestors left the Earth in search of other worlds to conquer. We rediscovered the mother world about a thousand years ago but discovered that it had been claimed by a rival empire known as the Jurai, who claimed it as one of their colony worlds, even though we know that we were here first." "That is...why you came to our...Earth?" Shampoo asked faintly, slowly grasping the gift of this revelation. "A thousand years ago we were compelled to have a competition with the Jurai for domination," Lum revealed, "Since war would have been too costly we settled the matter with a game of Tag, allowing a member of the Earth to represent his world against one of my ancestors. The Earthling won, so we agreed not to visit the Earth for another thousand years, which were up a short time ago. At first Father considered simply invading the place, but since the Jurai seem to still have some slight interest in this star-system---even though it is far removed from their borders, to say nothing of normal space lanes---we agreed to once again give an Earth champion the right of being their defender. That champion is you, Darling, and you did magnificently in defeating me, and I am so glad that you decided to claim me as your prize." "Ah...prize?" Shampoo wondered if this was what her father sometimes called a "Booby Prize" (and with boobies like Lum's showing beneath that thin halter of hers, it certainly did seem to fit that description). Lum turned and addressed the air once again, saying, "Computer...decrease the gravity around the center floor plating to one percent of normal." "As you wish," that disembodied voice replied once again, and without warning Shampoo felt herself grow lighter, her feet leaving the floor as if bounced off of a very light trampoline. "Aiyaaa...?" Shampoo yelped as she started to tumble in virtual free-fall, only to find Lum's slim arms snaked around her body to steady her bearings. "This is what it feels like to grow up in outer space," Lum revealed, "I've spent so much of my life aboard starships that this seems perfectly normal to me, though I'll bet you've never felt anything quite like it." Shampoo marveled at the feeling all right, but she was even more aware of the way Lum was holding her, the press of bared skin against the soft silk fabric of the Amazon's outfit. Her eyes were on the Oni Princess even as she felt her heart racing once again, and the sense of utter helplessness only added to the strangeness of the setting, for Shampoo was very much aware that the Oni had her at a **distinct** disadvantage. "I want you to know, Darling," Lum murmured softly, "Though I find your village quaint and rustic, and the Earth itself is overrun with primitive human natives, I don't find you to be in any way inferior to me. Far from it...I find you interesting and pleasantly exciting." Shampoo just stared in wonder as she felt the breath of the other girl against her face. After a moment in which they peered into the eyes of one another, the Amazon managed to gasp, "Wh-What become of Shampoo...and her people?" "Your people will go on and live out their lives in peace because of your heroism," Lum replied, "But you are destined for me, and I can't think of any better place to celebrate our union, Darling, than to do it in zero G above your beautiful world with only the stars as our witness." "Aiyaa...?" Shampoo exclaimed, eyes now wide as saucers... "So...what happened?" asked Nabiki as the pair paused in their story, "Did you guys make out in space or what?" "Aiyaa," Shampoo said again as she glanced away and colored slightly, "Is too embarrassing to say. No want Airen think this one too easy..." "It was the perfect set-up, you have to admit it," Lum grinned at her co-wife, "The lighting, the position, the way your body floated in my arms, your breasts following the laws of inertia..." "Yes, it was a very romantic setting," Shampoo agreed, "Airen should try doing it with no gravity to impede...of course is very different with mans doing woman than with woman doing other woman so far off ground." "Ah...I think I'll take your word on it, guys," Ranma said faintly, "That trip we flew out here was enough to convince me that space ain't really my best option." "Oho, fear of flying, Saotome?" Nabiki asked slyly. "Hey, you got no idea what it's like taking a trip in one of those saucers," Ranma informed them, "They loop into some kind of weird tunnel that takes you to other planets and star systems and stuff, and it ain't half bad long as you remember to pack your stomach and take it with you." "Oh my," Kasumi said, "Have you been to other worlds, Ranma-kun? That does sound nice." "I've been a few places with Lum and Shampoo," Ranma revealed, "Over the months we've been together we've had visitors and aliens and guys trying to kidnap one or both of my wives, and I've had to go up against some pretty tough guys along the way. It ain't all been one big picnic." "But eventually Darling Ranma's father convinced us that we might find a strong girl here in Japan who could challenge us for the right of becoming Third Wife in our marriage," Lum noted, "Which is why we are here paying our respects to your house and dojo." "Strong girl?" Nabiki mused, "Sounds like it's right up your alley, Akane-chan." "Hey, don't volunteer me!" Akane protested, "I'm not even sure if I believe half of this stuff and you think I want any kind of a part in it...?" "HOWZAA!" a voice cried out from somewhere in the background, "WHAT A HAUL, WHAT A HAUL!" "Oh my," Kasumi remarked, "It sounds like grandfather Happosai is back from his daily rounds." "Gee, and what great timing, too," Nabiki noted dryly. "Happo---THE MASTER?" Genma went into full panic mode, reaching across the table to grip Soun Tendo by the collar, "You mean he's HERE---IN THIS HOUSE?" "Calm yourself, Saotome," Soun urged while attempting to pry enough space in his collar to permit breathing, "The Master has forgiven us and has taken Akane on as his student..." "Oh yeah," Akane growled without enthusiasm, "Like it was my idea and all that..." "Forgiven us?" Genma blurted, "FORGIVEN YOU, MAYBE, BUT WHAT ABOUT---?" "Well now," said a diminutive figure that came to perch on top of Genma's turban, "Is that you, Genma old boy? Long time no see! Been wondering when you'd show up looking for a handout." "M-M-M-Master?" Genma gulped, his eyes roving upward, "You're all right? Oh that's...that's great news..." "WHOAH!" Happosai abruptly swerved to take in the sight of Lum and Shampoo, "Hubba-hubba! Who's the new talent?" "Gramps," Nabiki said with a wave of her hand, "Meet Saotome Lum and Shampoo, the blushing brides of our new houseguest, Saotome Ranma." "Who's the old freak?" Ranma asked as he took in the sight of the dwarf standing atop the terrified head of his father. "Mind your mouth, Boy," Happosai snapped before throwing his arms wide and crying, "COME TO DADDY!" He began to leap forward, only to be met half-way by the crackle of lightning that lanced from Lum's fingertip to catch him full in the chest and propel the little man backwards out into the garden. Everyone else felt their hair stand on end from the lingering static discharge, all save for Shampoo and Ranma, who had wisely jumped back just in time to avoid being caught in the shockwave. "Oh...my...goodness..." Soun said as both his hair and mustache stood on end. "Now that he had coming," Genma remarked, being spared the worst of it since he had no hair to speak of. Akane looked as though her hair was attempting to defy gravity, which was also true for Nabiki, while Kasumi's ponytail was pointing towards the ceiling. Only Lum's hair remained falling naturally where it was as she calmly blew upon her finger then said, "Please forgive my rudeness. You were saying?" Akane turned her head and stared out into the garden, round-eyed, while Kasumi said, "Oh my...does this sort of thing happen with you all the time?" "Oh yeah," Ranma affirmed, sitting back down where he had been at the table. "You get used to it after while," Shampoo affirmed, taking her usual spot between Lum and their husband. "I am sorry that I did that," Lum noted, "It was not my intention to cause problems. Lum prefers to settle matters like a civilized person, but when a strange pervert attempts to grope me..." "Hey, don't sweat it," said Nabiki with a bland expression, "The old guy's harder to kick off than that, and you aren't the first person who's wanted to shoot him with something." "So, what's the story, Pop?" Ranma asked, "Is that old guy really your master?" "He's the martial artist who instructed us, Boy," Genma replied with more calm than he had displayed a mere moment ago, "The most evil and perverted martial arts master around, and founder of the Anything Goes school." "For twenty years we trained under him," Soun said gravely, "Hard and demanding years, right from the time we were little boys up until we were grown men with wives and children. Then, ten years ago, Saotome and I had felt that we'd taken enough of his abuse and sought to do something about it. We got the master drunk with Sake then tied him up in a cave that we sealed shut with lots of high explosives..." "Yeah," Akane said as she turned back to look at the others, "But he didn't really die, and a couple of months back he showed up here saying he'd been freed from that cave by a bolt of lightning. The next thing we know he's turning our whole life upside down, and then he goes and decides to make me his apprentice." "It was Daddy's idea," Nabiki said sourly, "Buying off the old guy by giving him my cute little sister as a plaything, to mold and train to be a better martial artist." "Oh?" Genma asked Soun with interest, "Did it work?" "For a time, yes," Soun replied, "Akane, you made your father very proud by serving to distract---ah! I mean...by keeping the Master occupied with teaching you his ways. I know it was hard for you training under him like that..." "What?" Akane said blandly, her eyes expression a wrath that turned her smile into something extraordinarily nasty, "You mean running around with underwear tied to my head stealing lingerie from my classmates, having to rune scared that somebody was going to find me out and start calling me a Hentai? And all those other nice things that Grandfather Happosai likes to put me through while calling it training?" "You did all that with the old Perv?" Ranma blinked in amazement. "Shut up, you," Akane snapped, "You're a fine one to be calling me a pervert, picking two women to be your wives, as if one of them wouldn't be enough for you..." "You tell him, Akane-chan," the "old Pervert" in question said as Happosai made a miraculous recovery and reappearance. Looking directly at Lum he said, "Not that I can blame the boy, they're quite the pair of Honeys. That lightning trick was dirty and underhanded...I like that in a woman. What say we try it again this time and we'll see how you stack up against a real Master." "I wasn't talking to you, Master Happosai," Akane growled, then all at once she gripped the table in one hand and casually flipped it over, landing it directly on top of the old man with a resounding "CRUNCH" as though she were swatting a roach with a piece of newspaper. "Aiyaa..." Shampoo softly murmured in amazement. "What strength," Lum said admiringly, looking at Akane in a new and different light, "He never even saw it coming." "Yeah, well, if you're impressed by such things," Akane flexed her arms, "Then maybe you wouldn't mind some light sparring in the dojo? All this talk is starting to bore me..." "How the heck did you do that?" Ranma marveled. "It's simple, really," replied Nabiki, who---like Kasumi---had managed to rescue her teacup and tray in time from the overturned table, "Magic. A few weeks back Akane ate some of the old guy's Super Soba noodles." "Super Soba noodles?" Ranma repeated. Genma gasped and said, "You don't mean...the legendary noodle formula created by Buddha himself?" "Yes, Saotome," Soun replied gravely, "The Master found and revived the ancient formula with the intent of making himself even stronger than usual, but by a mischance it was Akane who wound up eating the noodles and gaining their fabulous strength-enhancing potency. She was always a strong girl before, but thanks to the noodles she has the strength of a hundred men..." "A hundred very large and powerful men," Kasumi corrected. "More like a hundred gorillas if you ask me," Nabiki added smartly. "Oh shut up, Nabiki," Akane growled, "You know as well as anybody that those noodles had side-effects that I'm still trying to live with." "Side-effects?" asked Shampoo. "Ah..." Akane looked away once again, "I don't like to talk about it..." "I'll sell you the information for a thousand yen," Nabiki offered. "Nabiki!" Akane snapped. "A thousand?" Ranma reached into a sleeve and fished something out that caught Genma's immediate attention. Flipping through the stack of bills he fished out one and passed it over to Nabiki, "Will this be enough?" The middle Tendo sister took one look at the bill in question and went round- eyed, snatching it from his hand and holding it up to the light to make sure that she was not miscounting the number of zeros. After several tries she managed to get out, "T-T-Ten thousand yen? But...?" "Ten thousand?" Soun turned a shocked expression towards Genma, "Saotome?" "Don't look at me," Genma replied, "They boy's been handling the finances ever since we left China." He left unsaid the thought that he had found it extremely difficult to steal any of that money for himself seeing as Ranma always found a clever place to hide it, such as with his women, where Genma wisely refused to trespass. "Just a courtesy for us staying here for the night," Ranma said, "Don't want you guys to think we're a bunch of freeloaders, and---no offense---but you look like you could use the money to pay for that busted coffee table. Of course we could always crash at the embassy courtesy of the Japanese government since the Oni don't yet have an embassy set up, and Lum here is their Princess..." "Oh my," Kasumi remarked, "You have money, Ranma-kun? How very nice. Isn't that nice, Nabiki? Nabiki?" "Aiyaa," Shampoo remarked, "This one think you sister fainted." "Sitting up like that?" Lum asked, holding up two fingers and creating an arcing spark between them, "Do you want me to revive her?" Fortunately the flash of light caused Nabiki to start out of her daze, and then she looked at Ranma with renewed respect and said, "Whoah...maybe I should have charged you for more money." "I can afford it," Ranma said, "So, what's this about side affects for this super strength thing?" "Nabiki," Akane growled in warning. "Sorry Sis," Nabiki said, "This is business. You see...the Soba noodles don't just magnify a person's strength, they cause a few...internal changes to Akane's biochemistry. Nothing major or grotesque, she just has a better physique than usual is all...oh, and she has to shave often..." "Sis," Akane growled, seeing red and looking ready to lurch across the table. "Oh yes," Nabiki added, "Add to that the increased aggression, alternating with moments of acute inactivity and other aspects of what is typically associated with masculine behavior. Good thing she hasn't grown anything else masculine that I'm aware of..." "Nabiki!" Akane snapped, half lurching upward from her sitting position. "Hey, take it easy!" Ranma urged, "We don't hafta get all violent and everything, we're just talking here, right? We can save the rest for when we get out to the dojo." "Ranma is right, Akane-chan," Kasumi urged, turning back to Shampoo and Lum as she said, "So what happened to you while you were in outer space? Did you and Lum-chan consummate your union?" "No," Shampoo replied with a sigh, "This one not think either of us were ready. In fact, were not ready in many, many ways no even expect. Did start to think then that maybe be married to a woman of the Oni no so bad when we start kissing...." "Yes," Lum smiled lopsidedly, "But before we could get to the good parts, things...began to happen..." Continued. Comments/Criticisms/Coitus Interruptus Extraterrestrialus: shadowmane@ridgenet.net What happened to spoil the fun for Lum and Shampoo, and how long did it take for them to get seriously down to business? And at what point did Ranma happen along to get included in their threesome? For that and other fun stuff, tune in next time for: "Those Obnoxious Oxymorons," or, "In Space No One Can Hear you Climax!" Be there! X -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- If you wish to check out my other works, Please check out my Fanfiction webpage at: http://s11.sexshare.com/~jbader/jimbader.html All related chapters of this series can be found there along with my other works.